The Perfect Specimen

WHY HE'S HOT:

1. Who has that one ray of beautiful sunshine in their lives? Okay, now put your fucking hands down. I don’t care who your bucket of rainbows and butterflies is - look at MINE. This is George Clooney. Just say it. George. Clooney. Admit it, that name makes your whole body grows warm.

2.His twinkling eyes. They twinkle in photos and onscreen. Just imagine sitting across a table from him, with those eyes staring into yours. Or better yet, imagine them inches above yours, crinkling at the corners as a sly smile flashes across his face. You know what he’s thinking.

3.That bum. Just look at it. Perfectly formed, perfect shape for any style of pants. Perfect for smacking. You know you want to. Just picture it. Coyly approaching him, tapping it ever so lightly. Imagine the firmness, the shock on his face followed by subtle joy. Are you drooling yet? FUCK YEAH! (I’m sorry, but I really hope I’m not the only one whose eyes kept drifting to his junk. I mean, just look at it…).

4.His perfectly coiffed hair. Sure it’s grey. But who doesn’t like a little salt and pepper? Besides, it’s so thick and fluffy. You know it has to be as soft as a baby’s bottom.

5.He’s George Clooney. Enough said.

WHY HE'S HOT:

1. Is that Johnny motherfucking Depp? Yes it fucking is, you are all now allowed to jizz all over the place. There is no reason for him not to be hot as wild sex. He’s the most talented man you’ll ever meet, and you know what kind of talent I’m talking about. It’s Johnny Depp, damn it. If that doesn’t make your mouth water, there must be something wrong. This man is AGELESS with the most beautiful cheekbones the world has ever seen. You can lie to yourself as much as you want, but you know you would lick the sweat off of his chest, any given day.

2.Not only is he an AMAZING actor, who plays some of the most eccentric roles ever, but also a musician. Yeah. That’s hot. He was absolutely twisted and disturbing, but still very much a smoldering sex-machine in Sweeney Todd. Damn. The mind cannot contain the countless things I would like to do to this man.

3.Even though he’s turning 47 this year, he doesn’t look it. He has been voted The Sexiest Man Alive twice. I mean, JESUS. Can you blame them??? He's downright fuckable sexy. And even though he’s old enough to be my dad, one smoldering look is all it takes for me to want to… shiver his timbers. Yeah, you’d tap that.

4.He has such a good personality. A little odd-ball, but totally fucking sweet. And he is so God damn funny. If I were there, I would make love to him right on stage. Nothing would stop me. And he is such a dad. He even has a tattoo of his daughters name on his chest. Of course, that would make the chest-licking a little awkward if you thought of his daughter, but Johnny Depp is so much the epitome of sex that you probably wouldn’t be able to think of much other than ripping his clothes off.

5.Even though he sometimes has the fashion sense of a confused clown, he never ceases to make me want to rip my clothes off. And he has the strangest fucking collection of tattoos. Who cares what they all mean? He’s Johnny Fucking Depp. He doesn’t need reasons. Covered in slime, drenched in water, mysteriously masked - whenever, wherever - Johnny Depp induces screams of pleasure from women across the globe as they fantasize about fucking the weird out of this man. Have you jizzed yet? I thought so.